I am still alive!!

Life is cool on the west coast but I am back on the east coast for business. I am so bored I have this week long conference but I decided to come earlier for the weekend to hang out with some friends that I have in town. My oh my how people change. Or maybe I am the one who changed.

I have been super busy travelling for work, getting up to speed on my new position and trying to develop a new relationship. All is great on that front. There have been some issues but only one major one that really made me second guess this relationship and this whole move.
You have no idea the pressure out there to be physically fit...or shall I say thin. Now let me clarify. Being overweight, not unhealthy, is the biggest sin you could commit out there. Ace and I as an interracial couple doesn't seem to draw as much attention as me being a fattie and him being a hottie. I will say I have lost some weight just because Ace and I are super active and this guy rarely eats out, buys organic produce, rarely drinks alcohol and just takes care of himself. It rubs off. I am healthier and happier because of it. I can shop pretty much anywhere but I still have my black girl ass and thighs. I never really went on a diet just discovered a new way of eating and living. I always used to work out but my intention wasn't really to lose weight. I was content with being heavy and being able to swim, jog, play tennis, hike, do step class but I ate whatever the hell I wanted. Dessert, cookies, liquor,cheeseburgers, pizza. I still eat crap like that but for instance I eat turkey burgers or buffalo burgers, or veggie burgers with fat free cheese or soy cheese. Plus I don't sit still enough to binge on chips like I used to. There is always some function or event with Ace and his networking stiff collar crowd and the weather is always nice so we go rollerblading and play tennis and go camping. It's unbelievable how much time I spend not in the house or in a bar. Before I knew it I lost like 40 lbs. I swear I was not trying.

One day when I was shopping I headed into my signature Plus size store (which I had to drive hella far for) and I grabbed the smallest size there and it was too big. They love us in that store because Ace would sit in a comfy chair and I would model different looks for him. He would give thumbs up and thumbs down or better yet say that makes me hard or that makes me limp. (he is a clown).

Ace was always complimentary about my body but I never really believed him. Not because I don't think men found me attractive but I was still getting over the fact that Ace was into someone like me. I mean dudes like him settle down with bitches like Jessica Simpson. And now that my body is transforming I think he enjoys this a little more. It isn't like my confidence has improved or my self esteem has made leaps..I have always loved myself. He insist that it is like getting a new girlfriend but keeping the same ol' me. He laughs that most men complain that their girlfriends gain weight and not lose. Either way health is my ultimate goal. The day I start counting calories and depriving myself of carbs is the day I will kick my own ass.

All is going well but I have become bitter that I am slowly creepy into the "average" size catergory. I detest all the things people assume about you and I have become prevvy to alot of shit that "smaller" people say about bigger people behind their backs. I don't want to be apart of that crowd, so I have had to check a number of people out here on numerous occasions. Everything is so superficial, I don't think I can make a life for myself out here. I feel like a visitor and I am still proud to be fat even though I am not as fat as I used to be. Fuck these people. As a matter of fact one of Ace's good friend's girlfriend referred to me as fuller figured and they were afraid to tell me because they thought I would be upset. I was pissed, but not because of how she described me but because she thought that was an insult. BITCH! That's right I have boobs and a high ass and thick muscular thighs, and I caught your man looking at my ass on multiple occasions. You have implants that look like rocks and you need to go back to Rhode Island or wherever the fuck your bama ass came from. One time when we first met, she had on a cute dress and I asked her where she got it and she told me the store and was like "but I don't know if they sell things in your size" Let me worry about that bitch! If I think the dress is fly enough I can buy two and sew them together. I make enough money to buy 10 of those dresses.
I just don't belong here, Ace knows it and I know it. I am east coast all the fuckin way. Or maybe it is just the circle of priveledge white folks Ace hangs out in. I don't have patience for people that consider Serena Williams fat and think Nicole Richie is hot. I need real people and they so few and far between out there.